The Athlete Way

Lips brushed gently against my ear. It was like the soft caress of a warm wind. A shiver descended my spine. I anchored my bare feet into the brown panels of cold wooden floor. The room was empty, and yet, I wasn’t alone. I knew those lips. I knew that wind, and I knew that the swell was nearly upon me. “You’ve returned.” I mouthed in wordless welcome. “Yes. I’ve returned.” She whispered. “Again?” My eyes spoke. “Again.” She replied. I bowed my head in calm acceptance. The urge to fight - to run, to protest, to demand a reason for her intrusion – rose instinctively inside of me. I let the urge rise, I let it morph into anger, and I let rage color me blind, enjoying for a moment, the freedom of sightlessness. Still, I felt her. I opened my eyes. “Yes, I'm here.” She answered. Unyielding and inescapable, she remained. I had no choice. I let the rage reach its crescendo, and then, I watched it fall, and with it, my body crumb...

My fingertips fumble for the button. I ache to make it come undone. Naked. I’m ready to be naked, to stand still and quiet out in the world. It’s summer. I want to let the sun kiss my skin. It’s always been summer, and yet I’ve lived in such fear of winter, wearing so many layers, stacking layer atop of layer, afraid to face life without layers, scared to be naked. Scared to be still, scared to sit in the moment, scared of the spaciousness of life. It’s hot beneath all these layers. I’m sweating. I’m suffocating. I tell myself to let go, to unbutton the buttons, and let the layers fall away. There’s a universe within. I sense it pulsating through my veins. I’m ready to set that universe free. I cling to the layers though, to the rigid macadam-crusted earth. I said it was summer, but its actually fall, and today I walked in the sun, and sat in the shade of a tree, on a bench, and leaves fell around me. They danced from the sky, twirling and teasing. It was beautiful. And I thou...