Showing Up

I am still striving for a dream I once touched. 

The night was getting late. The crowd, though inspired, seemed to be getting restless. They were ready to move, mingle, and celebrate. Rhodes - my 10 month old niece - who sat beside me, had fallen asleep hours ago. 

As I walked up to the podium, I didn’t know the exact words I would say. I had scribbled down a few notes. Yet writing a speech didn’t feel authentic to me. I wanted to let myself be carried by the passion in my heart, because the passion is what had carried me to that moment. I had to trust that the passion would lead me where I was meant to be. I was at my best when I trusted the passion, and let the desire to please fall away.

I had mixed emotions leading up to the Hall of Fame and 100th Anniversary ceremony. Joy, grief, thankfulness, resentment, excitement, and anxiety. A lot of anxiety. Anxiety about the people I would see, about what I would wear, and say. I was scared about how I would feel in the moment - would the emotion be too much to handle? I had so much anxiety I didn't know if I wanted to show up.

Most of all, I had anxiety that I would not be able to convey the complexity of my passion for and experience in the sport. Field hockey broke my heart, left me grieving, confused about who I was, and what value I had to offer. Despite the grief, the game still pulsed in my soul the way it did before I ever got good at it or made a career out of it. 

The dream of playing and transforming hockey in the USA has always been with me. It carried me as a child, battled me as teenager, haunted me upon retirement and re-inspired me as a woman. When I walked up to that podium, I decided to share the thing that got me through it all. The thing I am most proud of, and thankful for. The thing that at times, including that night, was hardest to do - showing up.  Showing up when you are messy and vulnerable and uncertain about the way forward. 

Anyone who has played for the national team knows that it is not a glamorous life. It’s hard, it’s uncertain. People make pennies to prove they aren’t expendable, that their play is up to par. I wrote a poem for us. The ones who showed up, kept showing up, and will keep showing up. 

When it was hardest 

We showed up. 

We believed. 

When no else did. 

When no else knew 

What we could become 

We showed up. 

We put in the work 

We argued. 

We cried. 

We doubted. 

We ran. 

We learned. 

We grew. 

We fought. 

We played. 

We played our hearts out. 

The critics shouted, 

And still, deep down 

We knew. 

We knew We had to keep showing up. 

Because if we kept showing up 

We could become 

The team we knew 

We already were. 

There aren’t records. Or medals. 

But we know what We’ve done 

And what we will continue to do. 

We will keep showing up. 

We will show up for the passion. 

For the 6 year old in us. 

For the 27 year old in us. 

For the 50 year old in us. 

For the 90 year old in us. 

For the athlete in all of us. 

The Olympian in all is us. 

We will show up. 

Because we believe. 

Because We love. 

And one day, We will realize 

That all the Showing up 

Day after day 

Game after game 

Minute after minute 

Hard time after hard time 

Broken hearted, bruised, exhausted. 

It’s in the Showing up 

Where we discover

The Gold in life.

Never underestimate the power of showing up. Not now. Not ever. Keep showing up. Keep playing. Keep fighting, and keep reminding yourself that showing up matters. You never know whose life you will change when you show up.